Dorothy Must Die by Danielle Paige (Book Review)

"I first discovered I was trash three days before my ninth birthday -- one year after my father lost his job and moved to Secaucus to live with a woman named Crystal and four years before my mother had the car accident, started taking pills, and began exclusively wearing bedroom slippers instead of normal shoes."

Review: I think this will probably be the one post where I will appreciate having put the first sentence of this book before you read my review. Hopefully it will serve to explain why I didn't like it. I have nothing against the story which I think is a pretty good idea and twist on an already great fairytale. I also didn't mind the "romantic" elements of the book, which I normally find a story could do without. What bothered me tremendously was the sentence structure and all around dialogue of the book.

I felt her sentences were disjointed and confusing to follow at times. Hence that first line to echo that sentiment. I also found the cursing a bit unnecessary. Unless it helps to further along a story I feel it is more of a filler than a character trait. In this case Dorothy and Amy (the main characters) both appear to be angry girls (women) who feel the need to curse in order to get their point across. Again, I don't think the story needed it.

I do like the sort of hat tip to Judy Garland having portrayed Dorothy Gale in the classic movie The Wizard of Oz. I mean the fact that the main character Amy's last name is Gumm. If you know the story of Judy Garland you know that her real name was Frances Ethel Gumm. I'm assuming that is why Danielle went with that name?

The basic story is that Amy is a girl who feels like the whole world is against her and doesn't want her, including her mother who is an alcoholic, who'd rather go out clubbing with her girlfriend than stay at home and be a mother. The proverbial tornado strikes Kansas. To be more specific, the trailer park where Amy lives with her mother and her mothers pet rat Star (the "next" Toto).

Obviously the tornado drops Amy, Star, and their trailer into Oz and hence the real story begins to unfold. As she travels the yellow brick road she learns that Oz is not what she's seen in the movie but instead Dorothy returned and has become a real mean S.O.B. to all it's inhabitants. She stealing magic all to herself with the help of Glinda and the other usual suspects; the Tin Woodman, the Lion, & the Scarecrow.

Basically, those who we all thought were good are now wicked and those who we all knew were wicked have banded together to do a "good" thing, i.e. working together to destroy the damage Dorothy has done in Oz.

All throughout the story everyone "looks to be Amy's age" and they all tell her not to trust them or anyone else for that matter. She gets frustrated and uses that anger to learn magic as well as how to fight. She is recruited by force to join the Order of the Wicked Witches (I think that's what they're called) to kill Dorothy.

This is clearly a Trilogy so don't be too surprised when I tell you the story ends without Dorothy having been killed. There is a cliff hanger though, as all purported trilogies must have. It was good enough and left enough unanswered questions to get me interested in reading the next book. However, I hope some questions are answered otherwise reading the third book, at this point, is definitely NOT a guarantee.

Synopsis: I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask to be some kind of hero.But when your whole life gets swept up by a tornado—taking you with it—you have no choice but to go along, you know?Sure, I've read the books. I've seen the movies. I know the song about the rainbow and the happy little blue birds. But I never expected Oz to look like this. To be a place where Good Witches can't be trusted, Wicked Witches may just be the good guys, and winged monkeys can be executed for acts of rebellion. There's still the yellow brick road, though—but even that's crumbling.What happened?Dorothy. They say she found a way to come back to Oz. They say she seized power and the power went to her head. And now no one is safe.My name is Amy Gumm—and I'm the other girl from Kansas.I've been recruited by the Revolutionary Order of the Wicked.I've been trained to fight.And I have a mission:Remove the Tin Woodman's heart.Steal the Scarecrow's brain.Take the Lion's courage.Then and only then—Dorothy must die!

Dorothy Must Die

by Danielle Paige

452 pages

Harper Teen, 2014

Young Adult Fiction

Read in 5 days

Rating: ★★★

Amazon | BN

Read of the Town: Dorothy Must Die

Okay, so you haven't heard of Dorothy Must Die by Danielle Paige until right now as I'm telling you about it. So that would mean it's not exactly the "Read of the Town" as I claim right? Wrong! I'm just ahead of the game with this one. I predict by February/March 2014 this book will indeed be the Read of the Town. If not within the literary community as a whole, definitely within the Young Adult readers world. I came across it by chance from a tweet and from the title alone I HAD to discover more. And discover more I did. For starters lets take a look at this cover shall we...

Release Date: April 1st, 2014

Now if that doesn't scream "pick me up and read me now" I don't know what does. Killer title and even more killer cover artwork. I'm sold! It takes very little to get me interested in books you might be saying to yourself? Uhm, not even a little bit. There are bestsellers and Nobel Prize winners I'll probably never read. There are even classic novels I'll never read either. But whenever a classic (like The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum) is taken and expanded (like The Wicked Series by Gregory Maguire) then attention must be paid. And although I've only read the first of the 15 book series of the world of Oz (yes, there are 15 books in total, look it up if you don't believe me) I do plan on reading them.

But who doesn't know the story of Dorothy and the yellow brick road? I'd be hard pressed to find anyone who hasn't heard of it let alone seen the famous Judy Garland in the starring role? I know I've seen it enough times that I don't ever need to see it again. So, besides the cover and the title is there any other reason this book will quickly and easily become the Read of the Town before it's impending release on none other than April Fools Day? What a great day for a book release by the way. Well, have a look at the synopsis below. And while you're at it, go here to "Like" their Facebook Fan Page.

Synopsis:

I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask to be some kind of hero.
But when your whole life gets swept up by a tornado—taking you with it—you have no choice but to go along, you know?
Sure, I've read the books. I've seen the movies. I know the song about the rainbow and the happy little blue birds. But I never expected Oz to look like this. To be a place where Good Witches can't be trusted, Wicked Witches may just be the good guys, and winged monkeys can be executed for acts of rebellion. There's still the yellow brick road, though—but even that's crumbling.
What happened?
Dorothy. They say she found a way to come back to Oz. They say she seized power and the power went to her head. And now no one is safe.
My name is Amy Gumm—and I'm the other girl from Kansas.
I've been recruited by the Revolutionary Order of the Wicked.
I've been trained to fight.
And I have a mission:
Remove the Tin Woodman's heart.
Steal the Scarecrow's brain.
Take the Lion's courage.
Then and only then—Dorothy must die!

Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister by Gregory Maguire (#TheCollaborators)

Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister

by Gregory Maguire

368 pages

William Morrow, 1999

fantasy

Finished in 10 days

Rating: ★★★★

Amazon | B&N

"The wind being fierce and the tides unobliging, the ship from Harwich has a slow time of it."

#TheCollaborators Review: It's my first time writing this kind of review. Basically I'll just be briefly interjecting tweets my fellow collaborator (Alaina of That's What She Read) and I shared back and forth about the book. Of course I'll get into more detail here and there but for the most part the sequence of tweets speak for themselves I think.

And what better place to start than with...

#TheCollaborators I guess we should start with: did you like it?
— Alaina Patterson (@WillBeFunOrElse) September 21, 2013

I actually did like this book more than I thought I would initially. After reading the first two Wicked books I was a bit apprehensive to delve into another Maguire world, afraid it wouldn't be as good. I'm glad this collaboration has made me change my mind and look forward to reading his other non-Wicked books! But what was so important to the story (which is a different take on Cinderella if you hadn't guessed already) is the characters. There are quite a few and I could go on and on about each one. In fact, Alaina and I got pretty in depth on a few of the characters, peeling away layers. I'm sure if we had been reviewing this book in person it would have been worth "vlogging" as well.

@NYCBookWorm84 #TheCollaborators I appreciated how the Master viewed beauty as a concept, and I liked that, while 'ugly,' Iris wasn't 'evil'
— Alaina Patterson (@WillBeFunOrElse) September 21, 2013

I found the character of Iris fascinating. Especially (and here is a bit of a spoiler so skip this paragraph to avoid it) the confusion I had right at the end of the book. Instinctively I assumed the "confession of an Ugly Stepsister" was referencing Iris. For all intents and purposes she appears to be the main character, aside from Clara (Cinderella) of course. But I knew (and predicted) early on that Ruth was going to play a big role in this book. Then I finished it and had that Homer Simpson "D'Oh" moment because while Iris is described as being plain throughout the book, Ruth is the sister who is described as being really ugly.

@NYCBookWorm84 #TheCollaborators and didn't you mention last week that you were waiting for Ruth to have importance?
— Alaina Patterson (@WillBeFunOrElse) September 21, 2013

Moving right along we touched upon Margarethe, the "evil" stepmother, who, in my opinion, wasn't evil so much as doing what a mother had to do in order to keep her daughters clothed and fed. Unfortunately, that entailed doing a few questionable things that Alaina found unreasonable. Just one of many aspects of the book we differed on.

@WillBeFunOrElse to me Margarethe's actions speaks to the question 'what lengths would a mother go to for her children?' #TheCollaborators
— Erica Drayton (@NYCBookWorm84) September 21, 2013

Then there's Clara! What an interesting take on "Cinderella" who is always depicted as the good person who is a victim of circumstance. Not in this book. In fact she is very withdrawn and dark inside. At first she acts bratty but when her mother dies she changes drastically and wants to be a recluse, no contact with the outside world at all. Just leave her in her own little corner in her own little chair in the kitchen. The way she is talked into going to the Ball and her fairy godmother in-fact being Iris with the help of Caspar is ingenious!

@NYCBookWorm84 #TheCollaborators I know! I appreciated that she wasn't all sweetness and light.
— Alaina Patterson (@WillBeFunOrElse) September 21, 2013

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I've left out a few important male characters like the Master who impresses Iris with his painters eye. His apprentice Caspar is hinted at being a homosexual living a life of sin with the Master, but is that Margarethe's way of getting Iris to stop pining for him? There's also Van den Meer, Clara's father who ends up plagued with guilt, unable to care for his family. Every moment is vital to the continuation of the story. Alaina picked up on one major aspect of the story that I didn't give much attention to...

@NYCBookWorm84 #TheCollaborators One thing I want to talk about is the art history and its influence
— Alaina Patterson (@WillBeFunOrElse) September 22, 2013

@NYCBookWorm84 #TheCollaborators b The Dutch Reformist movement focused on depictions of everyday life, not beauty
— Alaina Patterson (@WillBeFunOrElse) September 22, 2013

@NYCBookWorm84 #TheCollaborators dark paintings, mixing religious & domestic, focus on everyday; very different from others at the time.
— Alaina Patterson (@WillBeFunOrElse) September 22, 2013

I finally leave you with some "food for thought" if you have the book but haven't read it yet or you're debating picking it up and reading it. One of the last points (there were many others I didn't delve into here) my collaborator and I touched on was the cover. I think all of Maguire's books are done similarly, where there are two covers. The first having a little window showing a characters face and then you open the book and you see an image that differs from the cover involving that characters face in a different scene. I love book covers. They are one of the main reasons why I'll pick up a book to read.

@NYCBookWorm84 #TheCollaborators & I think *that* is precisely the nature of art -
— Alaina Patterson (@WillBeFunOrElse) September 22, 2013

@NYCBookWorm84 #TheCollaborators - it's all interpretation & perception, & both are different for everyone
— Alaina Patterson (@WillBeFunOrElse) September 22, 2013

@WillBeFunOrElse I would say this has been a very insightful and informative collaboration. I'm excited for book 2 now! #TheCollaborators
— Erica Drayton (@NYCBookWorm84) September 22, 2013

Want to see the complete twitter conversation we had about this book (and future books)? Search #TheCollaborators

Summary: Is this new land a place where magics really happen?

From Gregory Maguire, the acclaimed author of Wicked, comes his much-anticipated second novel, a brilliant and provocative retelling of the timeless Cinderella tale.

In the lives of children, pumpkins can turn into coaches, mice and rats into human beings.... When we grow up, we learn that it's far more common for human beings to turn into rats....

We all have heard the story of Cinderella, the beautiful child cast out to slave among the ashes. But what of her stepsisters, the homely pair exiled into ignominy by the fame of their lovely sibling? What fate befell those untouched by beauty . . . and what curses accompanied Cinderella's exquisite looks?

Extreme beauty is an affliction

Set against the rich backdrop of seventeenth-century Holland, Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister tells the story of Iris, an unlikely heroine who finds herself swept from the lowly streets of Haarlem to a strange world of wealth, artifice, and ambition. Iris's path quickly becomes intertwined with that of Clara, the mysterious and unnaturally beautiful girl destined to become her sister.

Clara was the prettiest child, but was her life the prettiest tale?

While Clara retreats to the cinders of the family hearth, burning all memories of her past, Iris seeks out the shadowy secrets of her new household—and the treacherous truth of her former life.

God and Satan snarling at each other like dogs.... Imps and fairy godmotbers trying to undo each other's work. How we try to pin the world between opposite extremes!

Far more than a mere fairy-tale, Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister is a novel of beauty and betrayal, illusion and understanding, reminding us that deception can be unearthed—and love unveiled—in the most unexpected of places.

To learn more about Gregory Maguire visit his website here.

The Vile Village by Lemony Snicket (Book Review)

The Vile Village

A Series of Unfortunate Events #7

by Lemony Snicket

256 pages

HarperCollins, 2001

fiction

Read in 3 days

My Rating: ★★★★★

Amazon.com | BN.com

"No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don't read is often as important as what you do read."

Review: What will Lemony Snicket think of next? I dare say, as this series of unfortunate events continues it gets better and the events do get more and more unfortunate. Luckily, much to Count Olaf's dismay of course, the Baudelaire orphans manage to escape his clutches unscathed and live for yet another unfortunate event to happen in their young lives.

In this book the children are not wanted by any distant family members that are left, leaving Mr. Poe to figure out an alternative solution. Mind you, I find it odd that since his promotion he doesn't simply buy a larger house that can accommodate his own family and the Baudelaire's! Perhaps that would be too easy and there are still 6 more books in this catastrophe to go!

Anyway, the orphans only solution is to be taken care of by an entire village. It follows that old adage of, "it takes a village." Well, they have their choice and of course after the cryptic clue from the two Quagmire Triplets about V.F.D. having something to do with Count Olaf and their parents, when they see those very initials as a choice of town they can stay in, they jump at the chance.

What does V.F.D. stand for? Sorry, that's strictly need to know information. And if you need to know, then I suggest you go buy the book and stop looking to me for all the answers! Like Lemony Snicket who is just retelling the sordid tales I am simply reading them for my own common knowledge.

Summary: Under a new government program based on the saying "It takes a village to raise a child," the Baudelaire orphans are adopted by an entire town, with disastrous results.

To learn more about Lemony Snicket visit his site here.

The Ersatz Elevator by Lemony Snicket (Book Review)

The Ersatz Elevator

A Series of Unfortunate Events #6

by Lemony Snicket

259 pages

fiction/young adult

HarperCollins, 2001

Read in 2 days

My Rating: ★★★★★

Amazon.com | BN.com

"The book you are holding in your two hands right now--assuming that you are, in fact, holding this book, and that you have only two hands--is one of two books in the world that will show you the difference between the word "nervous" and the word "anxious."

Review: In every book there are vocabulary words defined, friends made, new enemies discovered, and above all, there's a series of unfortunate events to avoid. Count Olaf is at it again, working tirelessly to entrap the Baudelaire children in such a way that he will end up with their life in his hands. We all know what will happen to them if this should ever happen. They will be killed and he will have come up with some way to own their vast fortune.

I won't bore you with the background of who the orphans are. You should know that by now. Nor will I bore you with who Count Olaf is. What I will bore you with is the unfortunate event that takes place in this book. The title says it all actually. That is, if you know what "ersatz" means. I must admit I initially thought it was some made up word just for the book. I was surprised when it not only turned out to be a word found in the English dictionary, but I checked myself just to be sure I wasn't falling victim to some fiction fantasy. I won't tell you what it means. Look it up why don't ya? Or better yet, read this book and find out the answer.

I will make one small pet peeve I've come across with these books as I'm reading them. The series and stories make the books bigger and bigger in page count. I appreciate that. Like the Harry Potter series only not as many pages. What I don't like is that no matter the page count, each book is thirteen chapters long. This means that in this book each chapter was an average of 20 pages each. I'm sure most people don't notice things like that but I do. I prefer books where the chapters aren't so long. I'm a bit OCD with books and I rather put a book down remembering what chapter I'm on rather than the page number. With this series I've more often than not had to remember the page number. Otherwise, no story or character complaints whatsoever. I shall keep reading them till I reach The End.

Summary: In their most daring misadventure, the Baudelaire orphans are adopted by very, very rich people, whose penthouse apartment is located mysteriously close to the place where all their misfortune began. Even though their new home in the city is fancy, and the children are clever and charming, I′m sorry to say that still, the unlucky orphans will encounter more disaster and woe. In fact, in this sixth book in A Series of Unfortunate Events, the children will experience a darkened staircase, a red herring, an auction, parsley soda, some friends in a dire situation, a secret passageway, and pinstripe suits.

Both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted, A Series of Unfortunate Events offers an exquisitely dark comedy in the tradition of Edward Gorey and Roald Dahl. Lemon Snicket′s uproariously unhappy books continue to win readers, despite all his warning.

The woeful saga of the Baudelaire orphans continues as evil Count Olaf discovers their whereabouts at Esmâe Squalor's seventy-one bedroom penthouse and concocts a new plan for stealing their family fortune.

To learn more about Lemony Snicket, visit his site here.

The Austere Academy by Lemony Snicket (Book Review)

The Austere Academy
A Series of Unfortunate Events #5

by Lemony Snicket

221 pages

HarperCollins, 2000

young adult

Read in 2 days

My Rating: ★★★★★

Amazon.com | BN.com

"If you were going to give a gold medal to the least delightful person on Earth, you would have to give that medal to a person named Carmelita Spats, and if you didn't give it to her, Carmelita Spats was the sort of person who would snatch it from your hands anyway."

Review: I swear these books are getting better and better as I read them. In this series of unfortunate events we find the Baudelaire children being placed in a boarding school by Mr. Poe, the constantly coughing man who works at the bank and is in charge of their finances until they come of age. Of course they are wary of Count Olaf and what disguise, if any, he or his equally evil friends will be wearing this time.

While at the school mishaps happen to them even before Count Olaf, or in this case Genghis, as he calls himself, gets there. They have to contend with a mean, nasty, and unkempt classmate by the name of Carmelita Spats who likes to call orphans of any kind 'cakesniffers,' whatever that means. They also have a vice principal who likes to mimic in a mean voice whatever he is being told and he also thinks of himself as a genius violin player. Trust me when I tell you he is definitely not a genius at anything. In this book the children are at the mercy of technology when Nero, the VP, claims they have nothing to worry about from Count Olaf since his fancy computer security system, which has been programmed with all of Count Olaf's discerning features, have been programmed into the computer. Of course there is a hint of skepticism on the part of the Baudelaire kids who find it hard to believe that a computer will keep Count Olaf or his evil friends away. Of course, they are correct.

But in this book they meet the Quagmire triplets (minus one) who befriend them and who offer to help them. Of course the Baudelaire children are ecstatic to have two new friends, and I feel a hint of romance in the air as well, but they are also cautious of anyone who takes their side. If you've read the previous books as I have you'll recall that many of their guardians and even friends have met with a deadly fate at the hands of Count Olaf. This time will be no different.

I'm propelled forward into the 6th book, The Ersatz Elevator and one step closer to the last book, more aptly titled "The End." I can't wait to find out more about these children and how through the toughest and darkest of times they always seem to escape near death, at least, until the next book that is...

Summary: As the three Baudelaire orphans warily approach their new home Prufrock Preparatory School : they can′t help but notice the enormous stone arch bearing the school′s motto Memento Mori or "Remember you will die." This is not a cheerful greeting and certainly marks an inauspicious beginning to a very bleak story just as we have come to expect from Lemony Snickett′s Series of Unfortunate Events, the deliciously morbid set of books that began with The Bad Beginning and only got worse.

As their outrageous misfortune continues, the Baudelaire orphans are shipped off to a miserable boarding school, where they befriend the two Quagmire triplets and find that they have been followed by the dreaded Count Olaf.

If you want to learn more about Lemony Snicket, visit his site here.

The Miserable Mill by Lemony Snicket (Book Review)

The Miserable Mill
A Series of Unfortunate Events #4

by Lemony Snicket

194 pages

HarperCollins, 2000

young adult

Read in 2 days

My Rating: ★★★★★
Amazon.com / BN.com

Sometime during your life--in fact, very soon--you may find yourself reading a book, and you may notice that a book's first sentence can often tell you what sort of story your book contains...But this book begins with the sentence "The Baudelaire orphans looked out the grimy window of the train and gazed at the gloomy blackness of the Finite Forest, wondering if their lives would ever get any better."

Review: FINALLY the series is starting to pick up speed and interest me. For a second there I thought I was gonna have to stop reading it altogether since the last book but this one made up for it big time.

The orphans are put in a sticky situation yet again only this time they don't discover Count Olaf's dastardly plot to gain their fortune until the very end of the book. I think that helped the story move along faster that way. Of the four I've read so far, this book had some of the better characters outside of the siblings. "The Boss" for instance, who no one knows how to pronounce his name, and his partner, who doesn't exactly seem very much like a partner but like more of a servant, portray stupidity and compassion together. Then there is Phil, the VERY optimistic mill worker who manages to see the bright side of things even after his leg is smashed.

As usual this book does have a very tragic death that befalls a guilty party but does not make it any less final. I must say for a book that gradually grows from being for a child to young adult, even someone my age and my moms age (who is also reading the series) Mr. Snicket is quite ingenious. I look forward to The Austere Academy next.

Summary: I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to read this book because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to put this book down instantaneously, because of all the books describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest yet. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are sent to Paltryville to work in a lumber mill, and they find disaster and misfortune lurking behind every log. The pages of this book, I'm sorry to inform you, contain such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, a hypnotist, a terrible accident resulting in injury, and coupons. I have promised to write down the entire history of these three poor children, but you haven't, so if you prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

Accidents, evil plots, and general misfortune abound when, in their continuing search for a home, the Beaudelaire orphans are sent to live and work in a sinister lumber mill.

To learn more about Lemony Snicket visit his site here.

The Bad Beginning by Lemony Snicket (Book Review)

The Bad Beginning
A Series of Unfortunate Events #1
by Lemony Snicket

162 pages
HarperCollins, 1999
gothic fiction/absurdist fiction/steampunk/mystery
Read in 1 day

My Rating: ★★★★

Amazon.com / BN.com

"If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book."

Review: I read this book in two hours flat. That should tell you how easy a read it is. But don't let the fact that most sites will say it's for ages 10+, in fact, the vocabulary is quite advanced. It was helpful that along the way Lemony Snicket would define those harder words and phrases for the reader.

If you've seen the movie, where Jim Carrey portrays Count Olaf, then reading this book will become even faster for you. I saw the characters in my head as I read along. In most cases I don't find it helpful or I try to read the books before watching the movie. Seeing as how it has been many years since I've seen the movie and I've only seen it once, I felt there was no harm done.

The story is a simple one, seeing as it's for children mostly, I think it ought to be. There are these three children, two who are 14 and 12, while the other is just an infant. All of them are very intelligent for their age, raised by two loving parents. Unfortunately they are met with one unfortunate event after another in their very young lives. It all starts when both of their parents die in a house fire. Now, this series is 13 books in total and each one gets a bit longer in length, like the Harry Potter series. This book just covers their encounter with a distant relative who is given guardianship over the children because of his proximity. Of course all he wants is the fortune that the Baudelaire parents left behind. Only hiccup is, it will go to the oldest child, Violet, when she turns 18. The Count can't wait that long so he cooks up a scheme on how to get his hand on the money.

I would've loved my mom reading this to me when I was younger like she did with so many other great books. As I was reading it I found myself getting animated with the dialog. If you have children I recommend reading this to them. And if you don't, try reading it out loud to yourself. You'll find you're reading it very fast and enjoying it all the more along the way.

Synopsis: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent children. They are charming, and resourceful, and have pleasant facial features. Unfortunately, they are exceptionally unlucky.

In the first two books alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, a lumpy bed, a deadly serpent, a large brass reading lamp, a long knife, and a terrible odour.

In the tradition of great storytellers, from Dickens to Dahl, comes an exquisitely dark comedy that is both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted. Never before has a tale of three likeable and unfortunate children been quite so enchanting, or quite so uproariously unhappy.

Dear Reader,

The book you are holding in your hands is a short-lived edition of a book that will likely make your life shorter as well. The tale of three Baudelaire children, who find themselves thrown into an unhappy situation containing a treacherous villain with an evil scheme and bad manners, becomes more and more dreadful on each page, and everyone so foolhardy as to read it will find themselves weeping and moaning by the end of the book.

This book is offered at an introductory price, but it introduces the reader to such unpleasantries as a disastrous fire, itchy clothing, a baby trapped in a cage, a plot to steal an enormous fortune, and dusty curtains.

I made a solemn promise to write down these wretched tales, but you have no such promise, and if I were you I would put down a book this terrible, no matter how reasonably priced.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

To learn more about Lemony Snicket, please visit his site.

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