The Serpent of Venice by Christopher Moore (Book Review)

"They waited at the dock, the three Venetians, for the fool to arrive."

Review: This book is a sequel to the ever popular Fool. I love all Christopher Moore books and in person he is just as funny as the characters he writes so well.

If you've read Fool you know that it's a very naughty twist on an old classic written by the famous bard himself, William Shakespeare.

Moore is able to take the classic language of Shakespeare and construct it in such a way that maintains the authenticity of the time and characters while seamlessly adding his own sense of brilliant destruction and hilarity. I still don't understand how he does it besides acknowledging his genius and his madness. For only a mad genius could come up with the countless tales he has spun for us (and specifically for me) his fans.

I've managed to meet Christopher Moore twice (briefly) by attending the book signings that have taken place here in New York City and now I have all 14 of his books signed by him!

This book weaves together not one, not two, but THREE Shakespeare plays! I leave it up to you to decipher which ones. Far be it for me to spoil that discovery for you! But trust me you'll want to read this book (and his first, Fool), as soon as you can! Be warned of the many foul words used as well as the scenes of a sexual nature. They are all necessary to the story and in good fun!

And, as I will always do when reviewing a Christopher Moore book, I urge you to read Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, without delay! It is the book that introduced me to the insane mind and world of Moore's, of which I am forever grateful. Regardless of how you feel or what you believe about religion, keep an open mind and you won't be able to hold back the laughter to the point of tears! You'll thank me later... so now, be gone with ye, and read his many books! Aaarrr!

Synopsis: Venice, a long time ago. Three prominent Venetians await their most loathsome and foul dinner guest, the erstwhile envoy from the Queen of Britain: the rascal-Fool Pocket.

This trio of cunning plotters—the merchant, Antonio; the senator, Montressor Brabantio; and the naval officer, Iago—have lured Pocket to a dark dungeon, promising an evening of sprits and debauchery with a rare Amontillado sherry and Brabantio's beautiful daughter, Portia.

But their invitation is, of course, bogus. The wine is drugged. The girl isn't even in the city limits. Desperate to rid themselves once and for all of the man who has consistently foiled their grand quest for power and wealth, they have lured him to his death. (How can such a small man, be such a huge obstacle?). But this Fool is no fool . . . and he's got more than a few tricks (and hand gestures) up his sleeve.

Greed, revenge, deception, lust, and a giant (but lovable) sea monster combine to create another hilarious and bawdy tale from modern comic genius, Christopher Moore.

Note: The book, too, is a veritable work of art. Rich creamy stock is enhanced by two-color printing, featuring part/chapter titles, running heads, and folios printed in red ink. The text block has blue-stained edges. The book opens to reveal two-page spread endpapers decorated with a sepia-toned antique map of Venice; an antique map of Italy graces the book’s front matter, printed in red. The jacket sports a matte finish with embossed author and title type; gold foil embellishes the title and illustration detail.

The Serpent of Venice

by Christopher Moore

316 pages

William Morrow, 2014

humor / fiction

Read in 4 days

Rating: ★★★★★

Amazon | BN

To learn more about Christopher Moore, visit his site here.

Born Yesterday (Movie Review)

Title: Born Yesterday

Director: George Cukor

Screenwriter(s): Albert Mannheimer & Garson Kanin

Producer: S. Sylvan Simon

Distributor: Columbia Pictures

In Theaters: December 26th, 1950

Run Time: 103 minutes

Color: Black & White

Starring: Judy Holliday, Broderick Crawford, & William Holden

Genre(s): comedy/drama/romance

Storyline: Uncouth, loud-mouth junkyard tycoon Harry Brock descends upon Washington D.C. to buy himself a congressman or two, bringing with him his mistress, ex-showgirl Billie Dawn. Brock hires newspaperman Paul Verrall to see if he can soften her rough edges and make her more presentable in capital society. But Harry gets more than he bargained for as Billie absorbs Verall's lessons in U.S. history and not only comes to the realization that Harry is nothing but a two-bit, corrupt crook, but in the process also falls in love with her handsome tutor. Written by Paul Penna

Movie Trailer:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upJ5pZdyZlM]

My Review: Yet another stellar evening at the movies with Ms. Hedda Lettuce and her comedy pre-show.

If you've never seen this version perhaps you are familiar with the remake? Melanie Griffith reprises Judy Holliday's role although not as brilliantly. I've seen this original several dozen times but never until now did I notice just how much of the movie revolves around politics. Not the politics of today but how corruption first started out on a small scale. Your average, run of the mill gangster, thinks he can do what he wants and get anyone he wants to do his bidding because he has money at his disposal. So while Harry is busy pushing around his cousin, his lawyer, and a congressman, his fiance Billy is learning how to be cooth from Paul (William Holden).

All she has to do is learn how to speak good, but instead of teaching her the basics Paul pushes her mind to the limit. A light bulb finally goes off in Billy's head and she sees Harry for who he really is, a bad man! She calls him out on his operation and brings him down to size in a scene that could only be expressed with such intensity by Ms. Holliday herself. You'll find yourself laughing, smiling, and you might even shed a tear for the shear joy this feel good movie will bring you from beginning to very happy ending.

My Rating: A

The Women (Movie Review)

Title: The Women

Director: George Cukor


Screenwriter(s): Anita Loos, Jane Murfin & Clare Boothe Luce (play)


Producer: Hunt Stromberg


Distributor: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer


In Theaters: September 1st, 1939


Run Time: 133 minutes


Color: Black & White


Starring: Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russell


Genre(s): comedy/drama


Storyline: Wealthy Mary Haines is unaware her husband is having an affair with shopgirl Crystal Allen. Sylvia Fowler and Edith Potter discover this from a manicurist and arrange for Mary to hear the gossip. On the train taking her to a Reno divorce Mary meets the Countess and Miriam (in an affair with Fowler's husband). While they are at Lucy's dude ranch, Fowler arrives for her own divorce and the Countess meets fifth husband-to-be Buck. Back in New York, Mary's ex is now unhappily married to Crystal who is already in an affair with Buck. When Sylvia lets this story slip at a country club dinner, Crystal brags of her plans for a still wealthier marriage, only to find the Countess is the source of all Buck's money. Crystal must return to the perfume counter and Mary runs back to her husband. Written by Ed Stephan


Movie Trailer:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZV0k77ih8Q]

My Review: Whenever I see an old movie in the movie theater it's an experience. Especially when I'm going to the Chelsea Clearview Cinemas where..."dreams come true!" You have to have attended a screening to get that. Also, the added bonus to seeing these Clearview Classics is if you go to the 7pm showing you get a pre-show well worth the price of admission and then some! Ms. Hedda Lettuce is phenomenal in her opening act of banter and pure insults that she dishes with such panache you'd wish she were a part of your deranged family.

This movie was extra special because not only did Ms. Lettuce watch the entire movie with us but she kept her mic on and had hilarious quips throughout the movie that added a little lightheartedness to the seriousness of this movie. Don't get me wrong, this movie is a comedy. Who doesn't like a good chick fight? And the insults that the women of this movie throw back and forth at each other is enough to make you angry with revenge.

The movie, in short, is about the lives a group of women lead in a short period of time. Some are friends with each other and others are just friendly to each other in order to better stab you in the back later. Just because they are of the upper class does not mean you can't bring their persona down to your level and be able to understand their strife. There main character is the woman scorned. And although Norma Shearer tries to play cool and unaffected by her husbands cheating on her with the girl at the perfume counter, it isn't until she realizes she's got nothing left to lose that her claws come out for revenge. I've never seen her act in any other movie but from what I've seen of her in this movie she isn't half bad.

Honestly, of all the women of the 1930's and 40's who I felt was missing from this movie, it was Bette Davis. I think she would have done and Oscar worthy performance of Mary. Especially when she transitioned from complacent wife to hell cat after her man! But I digress...

My favorite actresses in this all female cast (no men are ever shown, just mentioned, A LOT!) were Rosalind Russell who plays Sylvia and Mary Boland who plays the Countess that Norma Shearer character meets while on the train headed to Vegas. Apparently that's where you went away to hide while the paper work was going through on the divorce back then. You would go away on "holiday" and go back home a new woman once the divorce was all settled. How convenient? The Countess has been through countless husbands. I believe she says she's either on husband number four or five when she befriends Mary. Her experience has left her far wiser than her years.

Countess DeLave: Oh, l'amour, l'amour, how it can let you down. Hmm. How it can pick you up again.

If you're looking for a feel good chick flick movie, check this one out because it will make you laugh, it will make you cry, but most of all, it will leave you feeling that all too lacking empowerment of women! Oh, but don't bother with the Meg Ryan remake. This original is always the best.

My Rating: A

Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson (Book Review)

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir)
by Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess

313 pages

G. P. Putnam’s Sons (amy einhorn books), 2012

humor/auto-biography

Read in 4 days

Another Review...

My Star Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Amazon.com or BN.com

"Call me Ishmael."

My Review: I found The Bloggess through Twitter and instantly took a disliking to her! No I’m kidding, I instantly was a HUGE fan because she did what I thought no one else in the business of blogging would do (remove dirty thoughts now!) she answered my questions! Mind you, some may have been dumb at the time but I appreciated her taking time out of what I’m sure was an adventurous and purely unplanned day, to answer my questions. Jenny, I thank you, again…

Now onto my review. It ties into the fact that she was in New York City the day her book was released for a book signing. I honestly would not have known about it had I not been at the B&N on 86th street weeks before and instantly noticed her picture up on their big screen advertising her up and coming book signing. If you know The Bloggess at all, her photograph of her hair in curlers is easily recognizable. Initially I was not planning to arrive early for the signing (to my own stupidity) but I’m glad I did because way before it started (promptly at 7pm as advertised and for that I thank you Jenny again! Not everyone is as “on time” as you when it comes to book signings) there was standing room only. I think her event was one of the largest book signings I’ve been to (not counting the two former Presidents of the United States book signings I’ve been to: Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton). To me that’s saying something. I was unaware just how powerful the blogging world can be and how supportive they are until this day.

Okay, seriously, NOW onto my review of her book! I started reading it on my way home from said book signing. After listening to her read and entire chapter to us I absolutely had to start reading her book. As a small sample (if you have no idea who she is or have never read her blog before) here is the title of the chapter she bravely read to us: The Psychopath on the Other Side of the Bathroom Door

As she says throughout her book, MOST, if not ALL of what she shares with us about her life from childhood to adulthood, really truly happened. I’ve read her blogs and as unbelievable as they may sound, I have grown to not only believe her but to appreciate that no matter how messed up I find my life to be I’ve never gotten my arm stuck up inside a cows vagina! Yes, that actually happened to her! Read her book if you don’t believe me!

I laughed till I cried and couldn’t keep reading because the tears were in my way. When I finished wiping my tears away I’d read a few more sentences and there they would return! If it wasn’t for the laughing till I was crying and this crazy job I have that insists I work from 8:45am-5:15pm during the week I probably would have finished this book in less that 4 days. I’m ashamed of myself for pausing from reading this book to do life things as well, like bathing and eating and sleeping. Although I did read while I was eating so I guess I can be partly forgiven because at least I tried to read it in less than four days!

I recommend this book for the sarcastic, for the one who loves humor (especially when you know all this stuff is true and not made up!), and for those of us who need a change of pace from those books with proper sentence structure and correctly spelled words and crap! They are SO overrated!

It’s so good I wish I could read it to you right now and just not stop till I was done (or at least till you begged me to because you found it genuinely funny and promised to go buy your own copy). Instead, I’m going to share with you the opening paragraph of her first chapter and if that doesn’t make you want to rush out and buy a copy or download it on your e-reader (I hate those damn things by the way!!) then I give up on you entirely! Weirdo!

I Was a Three-Year-Old Arsonist

Call me Ishmael. I won’t answer to it, because it’s not my name, but it’s much more agreeable than most of the things I’ve been called. “Call me ‘that-weird-chick-who-says-“fuck”-a-lot” is probably more accurate, but “Ishmael” seems classier, and it makes a way more respectable beginning than the sentence I’d originally written, which was about how I’d just run into my gynecologist at Starbucks and she totally looked right past me like she didn’t even know me. And so I stood there wondering whether that’s something she does on purpose to make her clients feel less uncomfortable, or whether she genuinely didn’t recognize me without my vagina. Either way, it’s very disconcerting when people who’ve been inside your vagina don’t acknowledge your existence. Also, I just want to clarify that I don’t mean “without my vagina” like I didn’t have it with me at the time. I just meant that I wasn’t, you know…displaying it while I was at Starbucks. That’s probably understood, but I thought I should clarify, since it’s the first chapter and you don’t know that much about me. So just to clarify, I always have my vagina with me. It’s like my American Express card. (In that I don’t leave home without it. Not that I use it to buy stuff with.) - Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess (Let’s Pretend This Never Happened)

If you want to know more about Jenny Lawson, please visit her site.